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Android Name# |
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I'm working this morning on developing plans for the EWP. One of the activities I plan on doing is having people discover their android names and post those in their E-Portfolio...I'm wondering if I should have them write a story, or an autobiography of themselves based upon their android name? This is my android name:
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Posted by Karen McComas on 7/17/04; 6:24:40 AM to the Journal Department
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Potentiality# |
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The concept of potentiality presented itself to me this morning as I roamed about my new favorite web site, Soul Food Cafe. I read this: Things become what they are because of potentialities. What I am today was once only a potentiality. Just like the acorn has the potential to be an oak tree (it "...carries within itself is the 'form' of the oak") I had the potential to be a mother, wife, teacher, learner, and friend. In the right settings, with the right nourishment, the form of me as mother, wife, teacher, learner, and friend turned into being those things. Without prior experience and knowledge, however, I never would have guessed that a little acorn could grow into one of those mighty oaks that line driveways of plantation like homes. Who would ever guess that a huge, leafy, shade-providing tree would come out of a tiny acorn? How often does the form of something not resemble the potential of that same thing? Now, I wonder how many times I have failed to recognize the form of the potential in one of my students simply because at the time they didn't look like what I thought, or they thought, they wanted to become. If my job as a teacher is to help students reach their potential, do I provide the right setting and nourishment for them to reach their potential? |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 10/10/03; 8:11:13 AM to the Journal Department
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Chain Reaction# |
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In a prompt on Soul Food Cafe, the notion of alchemy and alchemists is introduced to me. They claim that experienced alchemists can take a particular set of chemicals or ingredients and achieve one result (a superior result) and beginning alchemists can take the same set of chemicals or ingredients and achieve a different result (an acceptable, but clearly inferior, result to the results of the experienced alchemists).
Was thinking about how teaching is kind of like being an alchemist. We take a bunch of ingredients...a variety of students and all the variables they bring with them, a teacher and all the variables s/he brings, and a particular content...and attempt to transform the learning experience from something common into something special. If the analogy of teaching and alchemy holds true, then less experienced teachers would produce one result with a particular set of ingredients and more experienced teachers would produce a superior result with the same set of ingredients. But that isn't always the case. The Soul Food Cafe prompt also says:
Each class, each semester, provides a different set of ingredients and the interaction of those ingredients, even for experienced teachers, is never the same. The advantage of being an experienced teacher then is not that one will produce a superior result because of their experience. It is that one is more experienced at trial and error and has more experiences upon which to base their decisions, thus making trial and error less random than it might appear. It is only through trial and error that transformation, the changing the common into something special, can actually occur. Without it, the classroom experience for both the teacher and the students is simply something common. |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 10/9/03; 7:26:32 AM to the Journal Department
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Fear# |
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In the past two weeks I've had a chance to think about fear...and what a powerful motivator fear is. I told my daughter a few days ago that fear can motivate someone to give up something they want because they are afraid of it. And when the fear of not having the thing they want becomes greater than the fear of having it...then they will hold on to the thing they want and never let go. This has caused me to think of what kind of fears motivate me. Sadly (or oddly or pathetically) the only one I could really think of was the fear of failure. I have a tremendous fear of failure and that motivates me to work hard and persist and to try to create a reality in which I do not fail. At first I thought I had other fears...that is, a fear of my children not finding happiness...but then I realized that was simply a fear of failure...a fear of failing as a parent...as if I am responsible for all that happens in their lives. My head knows that isn't true, but I think that deep in most parents' psyches is the idea that if our children aren't happy then we have somehow failed them. That might be true to some extent...aren't we the ones (parents) who are to teach our children to want what they have, to persevere in times of trouble, to keep going through Hell until they reach Happiness? It's an irrational internal discussion, yet the fear remains. And the fear of failure as a parent motivates me to continue to try to teach my children, even though they've reached adulthood...and to continue to support them, even though they mostly think they don't need me. I did, reluctantly, discover another fear I have...it's a fear of being unnecessary. I haven't even begun to explore that one as I'm sure it's one of the deepest holes I might ever explore and (oh, here's another fear) I'm afraid I'm might not ever get out of that hole. |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 9/15/03; 7:40:31 PM to the Journal Department
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Theories# |
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My graduate class in Phonology is struggling (with not enough
assistance from me..something I hope to rectify next week) to
understand theories. They find them, generally, to be foreign and
abstract and incomprehensible. One point I've tried to make with
them is that we, they, operate daily on one theory after another.
All of our actions are based on theories of how we think things work
and connect and interact. From that perspective theories are
quite familiar to us and in fact, a necessary part of life.
Theories not only help guide our current behavior but they also enable
us to explain and make sense out of behaviors we don't necessarily
understand. My daughter and I have developed a theory...a way to explain something that happened that neither of us can understand. This theory may never be proven or disproven, but for now it helps her cope. I don't know why she has this incessant need to understand (I would be the same way)...I do know, however, that if she didn't at least attempt to understand what has happened then nothing can be gained from having gone through the experience. Further, without understanding, history is bound to repeat itself. This would be the most tragic of all outcomes, the inability to learn from such an experience. Two years ago today something happened that I could not, and still cannot, understand. I remember it as clearly as if it was yesterday. Today is the same kind of day as 9/11/01. Cool morning with a diamond clear blue sky. My students that day were meeting with me at 9:30 am so most of us were first bombarded with the mind-numbing horror in our classroom. Those students are now second year graduate students and will always hold a special place in my heart. Perhaps it is because we were together as the horrors unfolded, perhaps they are just special people and would have held a special place in my heart anyway. Today I will think of many, many people (my students-former and current, the victims-both living and dead of 9/11, my daughter, my son, my husband) and I will wonder what theory I might develop to help me understand what happened that day. I cannot pretend to develop a political theory or even an international theory. I'm trying to develop a theory about how people go about their daily lives not knowing what might be in store for them at any given moment and then I'm going to try to learn something from that theory. |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 9/11/03; 9:21:17 AM to the Journal Department
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Keep Going# |
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Yesterday, my daughter had this quote on her IM profile: When you're going through Hell.....keep going.
It's a funny thing....when you realize you're in Hell, while you're trying to figure out how you're going to get through it...you're already getting through it. I was thinking last night about how I've said to her that time heals all pain....and I'm not certain that is true. Time does, however, allow that pain to change from a red-hot poker pain to a dull missing pain to a barely remembered pain...but the pain remains. Perhaps after time it simply isn't important anymore, but I'm not certain it ever goes away. Nine years ago today my mother-in-law died. Her death came just four short years after my mother died and we were knocked off our feet. I remember both of those pains but in my remembering the pain is now different. The pain isn't important anymore...what the pain was about is. Dozens of times in the last week I've wished for the chance to talk to one of our mothers, to ask them what is the right thing for me to be doing during my daughter's pain, to ask them if it is normal for me to be so wrapped up in her pain. It occurs to me that the real value of my writing about this situation, both here and in my paper journals, is that one day, when my daughter has her own daughter, perhaps the words I leave behind will be helpful in case I'm not there for her to ask. |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 9/10/03; 7:44:37 AM to the Journal Department
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Writing Slick# |
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My friend Pat made fun of me last night...suggesting that there was
nothing like heartbreak (mine or that of someone I love) to grease the
writing machine. I think of it like an oil slick...a little bit
starts leaking out and pretty soon you've got oil everywhere.
This is how I have been in the last week. When the drama began, I
grabbed my paper journal. Then, I found myself at the office
without my paper journal and I turned to this weblog. Then, I
found myself writing multiple times a day in my paper journal and
turning to this space partly to keep my readers (all two of them) up to
date on how we were faring through these particularly troubled
times. So, we're faring just fine. Weathering the
storm. The principal actor in my writings of last week, the
heartbroken one, has decided to not let this get her down. She's
digging her heels in, keeping herself organized, and focusing on other
things that need her attention. She is, quite simply, one tough
cookie. Away from my personal issues then, my attention turns to beginning the EWP. I've got a small group, but an ever so eager one. Tonight is our first MOO meeting and only one of the people has ever been on a MOO before. I'll be posting over on the EWP blog about our growth and progress in that experience. |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 9/9/03; 8:28:10 AM to the Journal Department
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The Gift of Time# |
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Time is a wonderful gift...it provides perspective, distance, and healing. I don't mean to imply that every thing is all of a sudden hunky dory...(or however you would spell that)...because it's not. It's just that today nobody is hurting as badly as they were last week and sometimes we just have to be thankful for the small things. For me, time has removed some of my anger...or perhaps I should say the target of my anger. Last week I was angry with a person...this week I return to being totally astounded at what this person has done. My astonishment stems from what I know about this person and how incongruent the recent behaviors have been with this person's code of conduct and values. This is what I don't understand... A busy day at the office has prevented me from finishing this posting...and now I've lost the will to write it. |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 9/8/03; 1:23:55 PM to the Journal Department
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Class, Dignity, Grace# |
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I'm writing lots in other spaces...spaces that aren't public...there's so much I have to say. Even though much of what I have inside must be private now, there are some things that deserve to be public. I know someone who has lots of class, dignity and grace. I always suspected this of her, but lately she's had a chance to show this part of her character and she's risen to the task admirably. It's amazing to me to see her handle a difficult and painful situation with her head held high. Even more amazing is how, in the midst of her pain, she has still been able to exhibit compassion for the very source of her pain. That says much about her character. I'm proud to know her....prouder still to be her mother. |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 9/5/03; 12:06:21 PM to the Journal Department
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I Know# |
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In response to my posting yesterday, I know who we should love when we are hurt...ourselves. We need to love ourselves because pain makes us crazy. And in our craziness we begin to doubt the things we know to be true, even when others try to deny them...we begin to feel that there's something wrong with us, even when we know we're no more or less human than anyone else...we begin to wonder what is wrong with us, even when we know that what has happened isn't as much about us as it about others and their insecurities, needs, defense mechanisms, coping skills. In order to combat this kind of craziness we need to love ourselves. And when that seems difficult or impossible to do, we can let others love us - our friends and our families - until we're able to love ourselves again. The other day I said that in a few months we're going to look back at this time and understand clearly what was going on...and know exactly what we were supposed to learn from this. In a week, we're going to notice, all of a sudden, that there's a tremendous weight lifted from us. We all will, one day soon, realize that we are simply going to be alright.
That's the good thing about pain...it's temporary as long as we use that pain for growth. The people who worry me are the ones who don't use pain for growth...instead using it to compel themselves into different, yet the same, situations they've been in before. A friend once told me, "Everywhere you go, there you are." So without the growth, nothing changes and those people try to erase their pain by rewriting history to provide a text that is compatible with the self-image they want to project or they rationalize their behavior, or they refuse to accept responsibility for their behavior, saying things like, "Well, I was drunk." or "I tried to tell you." as if passing the responsibility for their behaviors off on alcohol or someone else absolves them of any responsibility for their own actions. It's a clear sign of immaturity and as mad as I am about the recent events, I am hopeful that everyone involved will be able to grow from the pain. Somehow I don't think that's going to happen...at least not right away...because you can't grow up while you're busy running from yourself. |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 9/4/03; 7:42:41 AM to the Journal Department
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The Only House# |
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Love's the only house that's big enough for all the pain in this world.... (who sings that?)
(Rainer Maria Rilke) I find it extremely interesting that in the past few days, when I've had to see someone I love experience more pain than I ever wanted her to experience...it seems strange that, when I search my mind for something to calm me so that I can in turn calm her, two phrases immediately jumped into my mind and they both have to do with love. In fact, I'm stunned (seems to be a recurring feeling for me since Monday evening). Yet, at the same time, I know love is really the only answer or antidote to anger and hurt and pain. And how does this even make sense to the person who has been hurt. How could I say to someone in pain that love is the only way to get through the pain. Doesn't it make more sense to be angry, vindictive, mean? How can any of us get beyond our own hurt to find that place and person that needs to be loved. If I fall and hurt myself, I know to apply medication to the wound. But those wounds are visible. What about the emotional wounds we bear? They're not visible and often times we don't even know how many wounds (nor how deep) there really are. Where should love be applied to heal this hurt I have? I remember someone telling me once that when I had a resentment against someone I should pray everyday for two weeks for them. In my prayers I should ask God to grant that person everything that I hoped for myself...after two weeks, according to my source, my resentment would be gone. I don't quite believe all that...especially the two weeks part (or perhaps I'm just stubborn and resistant and it takes longer for me). But I do believe it is hard to continue to be angry toward anyone when you spend time asking God to give them all the good things you'd like to have. I may have to try it... |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 9/3/03; 4:00:31 PM to the Journal Department
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Blah!# |
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I'm having a blah day...actually was a blah weekend followed by a small crisis last night (well, it wasn't really small in a personal sense, on a global sense, yes) that has carried over into today. I hate having this feeling of restlessness, unsettledness, anxiety. There was a time when I thought at my age I wouldn't have this feeling any more...I'm almost 48 for crying out loud (two days from now I will be 48) and my life should be settled and calm and serene. But, I have my family to support and protect and I've discovered that when children are hurt, whether they fall off their bikes or lose the love of their lives, that I feel those hurts with them. Granted, I wouldn't lessen their pain by suggesting that I feel exactly what they are feeling...but I feel pain. Right now someone I love is going through an extraordinary pain and I want to put her on my lap in the rocking chair in the nursery and sing her to sleep with the promise that tomorrow she'll wake up and be all better. I can't do that...she's a grown up woman in her own right now and she won't wake up tomorrow and find that her hurt is all better. A hurt of this size, of this scope, doesn't go away overnight. It goes away slowly, gradually until one day you suddenly realize that there's only a small twinge of pain every now and then (and that will probably always be there, but we can all live with small twinges of pain...they remind us of lessons we don't want to forget). In the meantime, I want to be there to support and protect as much as possible, but I also want to model and guide about how to get through pain with dignity and class. |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 9/2/03; 10:34:14 AM to the Journal Department
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Blogged Out?# |
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Been working on blogs all week...actually for the last couple of weeks...well, really, all summer. Ha! No wonder I'm beginning to get a little sick of them :) Seriously, the past two weeks my focus has been on getting my weblogs in shape for my classes...along with getting the course documents ready. What I do love about using these is that they provide me with the luxury of simply focusing on content (with only a small focus on design/look because that is ever so important to me for some reason). I also like being able to use the metadata plug-in to organize the work by semester so I have a quick and easy archive of previous semesters in case that should ever be necessary. Fourth day this week...and I'm really tired for some reason. I haven't slept well most of the week...just too many things going on in my mind. The three-day weekend coming up is going to be most welcome. I can get caught up on a few things (since I'll be out of town the following weekend) and perhaps get caught up on my rest. |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 8/28/03; 7:41:13 AM to the Journal Department
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Interaction# |
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For a long time now I've been bothered by something. I've been bothered by how many people often refer to online courses (and other similar activities) as interactive. When my university first began making the move to putting coursework totally online (our E-Courses), I kept hearing people talk about these interactive courses. Imagine my disappointment when I discovered that many of the courses, referred to as interactive, were simply lectures online. I never saw that kind of setup as interactive, and in fact, I always made the distinction between active and interactive or action and interaction. When I saw e-courses that were simply online lectures I would say they were active (in that students had to be active by reading, scrolling, and clicking) but not interactive. I read something the other day that has helped me articulate better why that particular use of the word interactive bothers me. I'm re-reading First You Build a Cloud: An Other Reflections on Physics a a Way of Life by K.C. Cole. I found this statement:
That's it...the e-courses designed as online lectures aren't interactive, as I suspected, because there is no exchange of energy or momentum between the learner and the screen/computer. Now don't get me wrong, I do believe it is possible for there to be an exchange of energy or momentum between a learner and the content, but I think all too often that does not happen. |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 8/21/03; 1:10:44 PM to the Journal Department
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Demonstrating# |
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I'm showing my sister a little about weblogs...trying to explain to her the value of a weblog and the value of making her teaching practice public. |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 7/26/03; 9:36:30 AM to the Journal Department
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Around the Corner# |
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I posted the assignments for the seventh week of my ten week class this morning. When I was out walking, I saw a flock of geese. I'm reminded abruptly that summer is about to come to a screeching halt and I'm not ready for that. I feel like summer, for me, just began. I know the geese are early...it's only July for crying out loud...but still, they were a disturbing reminder. |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 7/21/03; 9:47:37 AM to the Journal Department
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Still Writing at eBN# |
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I'm still writing a column over at eBN...check it out! |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 7/16/03; 10:23:20 AM to the Journal Department
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Still Workshopping# |
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I'm still workshopping with the Technology Liaisons from the National Writing Project...and therefore I'm still writing my column for eBN, but I wanted to share my poster. This represents my relationship with/to(?) technology....a love/hate relationship.
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Posted by Karen McComas on 7/12/03; 1:36:11 PM to the Journal Department
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Testing News# |
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This is a test to show how the managing editor has to release news item..... |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 7/10/03; 1:39:17 PM to the Journal Department
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Blogging in Other Spaces# |
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For the next several days I'll be posting as the guest editor over at the eBn blog. Stop by there and read my column. |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 7/8/03; 10:15:00 PM to the Journal Department
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A Drudge# |
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Pat's wondering where my daily blog posting is....and I promised to post something before the day is over. I took a nap first and have been sitting here at the computer playing some stupid solitaire game wondering what in the heck I might write about today. The past two days (or more) have been mind numbing...that is mind-numbing boring. I've made phone calls to arrange for temporary parking passes. I've made phone calls to attempt to find a replacement dinner site for the night we planned next week at a restaurant that just closed without warning. I've made copies...typed up driving directions...punched holes in papers so they might be placed in notebooks... I have a new appreciation for those people that make the events I attend and/or participate in successes. I had no idea these events required so much mind-numbing work! I had visions, a while ago, of developing this intellectually challenging and interesting technology institute and believed that I would be intellectually challenged and interested throughout the development of that institute. I couldn't have been more wrong. I had a few days of stimulation (at the April and May planning meetings), but outside of those days I've been a drudge.
I'm not really complaining (alright, I am a little bit and I know it sounds like I'm complaining a lot)....I'm just surprised at how ignorant I was about all of this. Yes, I've gained a new appreciation for those people who are good at attending to details...who like attending to details...for them, the work I've been doing probably wouldn't be boring. Next time I do this, I'm going to have to find one of those people to help me. |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 7/3/03; 3:43:20 PM to the Journal Department
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One Week From# |
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It's Monday again and I'm back in the computer lab in the English department waiting for the writing project folks to come in for their daily lab time. I feel anxious (not eager) today and know it is because this morning I realized that I have absolutely no padding now between me and the technology institute that begins here at Marshall next week. Last week I had padding...there was a whole uknown week between me and the institute. Last month I had padding...there was a whole unknown month between me and the institute. This is it...the days I can see ahead are all I have between now and then. One week from today the facilitators fly in. One week from tomorrow the participants fly in. One week from Wednesday the technology institute begins and there'll be no time to do anything differently. |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 6/30/03; 11:28:43 AM to the Journal Department
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Finding and Knowing# |
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Putting away the laundry yesterday and the bottom drawer in my husband's dresser got stuck. I pulled the drawer out, intending to simply put it back on track and notice a small red and white book laying on the bottom of the dresser...gone for who knows how long...yet a welcome sight for me. The book, To Know As We Are Known: Education as a Spiritual Journey by Parker Palmer, was a book I located after I finished his The Courage to Teach: Exploring the Inner Landscape of a Teacher's Life and was wholly inspired to be a different kind of teacher. I remember starting this book (and I usually have 4-5 books going by my bed at the same time) but never finished it. As I began to read, these gems pop out at me in the Introduction:
More later....[12:37pm] Back...[5:41pm] These quotes remind me of how I once sought hard to integrate my intellectual and spiritual lives. I'm wondering now how that passionate pursuit faded away. It hasn't been extinguished - my focus has not been there as strong as it once was...and I miss it. In order for me to become the person I have been called to be I must see and teach from the heart, not the mind. And somehow, the truth, whatever that is, is there in my heart. I must learn, or try to learn, to see with my heart's eye, not my mind's eye. When I am able to see those people and events and responsibilities in my life with my heart, then I'll be closer to the truth of my life.
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Posted by Karen McComas on 6/29/03; 12:37:27 PM to the Journal Department
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Cleaning House# |
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We're doing a bit of housecleaning around here. Our daughter moved out last month and now our son is moving into her room, which is considerably larger than his old room. Even though she moved out, there's an amazing amount of items here that belong to her. All valuable, I'm certain, to her...so my plans are to stash them away in more Tupperware tubs and store them off-site in a storage building. What might be even more amazing is how much stuff my son had managed to squeeze into his small room (and how much stuff I'm certain he forgot he even had as he unearths items from the bottom of piles that have grown over a period of time). I like cleaning like this...like going through things (as long as I don't get bogged down in the things and simply make the decision to keep, throw, or give away) and creating a new order out of an old chaos. For some reason I find this to be a hopeful task, a starting over, almost a cleansing experience...cleansing more than just the physical environment but also my mind and my heart. The process stirs memories long buried and allows me to recollect the whole of my life, before and after Mike, and my children's lives. It allows me to see that in spite of my day to day perceptions, who I am has had a tremendously strong influence on who my children are, just as who my parents were had a tremendously strong influence on who I was. I ran into a former student (DF) the other day at the library on campus. She was there with her husband who has decided to return to school to become a teacher. I haven't seen her in a long time and it was good to catch up with her life...how she now has 2 1/3 children and a career. Long, long ago, when I worked in the public schools as a speech therapist, I had DF's younger sister in speech therapy and her grandmother was the secretary at the Special Ed office where I worked. DF reminded me of this little venture she and her sister engaged in...they created a catalog of items to sell and she remembered that I had "bought" something from their catalog. I vaguely remember the catalog and have absolutely no memory of buying anything from it...but her memory reminded me that I also have a tremendously strong influence on my students, as well as my own children. How humbling is that? |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 6/28/03; 7:20:05 AM to the Journal Department
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Long Lists# |
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Mike and I went to Border's last night for "coffee and conversation." Really, I usually take something to work on and he gets books and sits and reads excerpts to me. Last night I took my tech institute stuff and went through it all carefully, developing a list of things that need done over the next several days. It's loooong...much longer than my mind had imagined...but, in the end I realized I had a much clearer image of what was going to be happening and I knew the spots in the week where we need to focus our thoughts over the next few days to get those segments crystallized and ready. One good thing I realized is that some of the tutorial work I have to do will be useful in other contexts (like with our own summer institute) and that makes the work even more profitable...value added, maybe. Just came in from walking....rain started on my last lap around (nothing like rain to help you keep the pace up on that last lap). In a way, I'm glad it's raining. I shouldn't be tempted to go to the pool with my daughter (oooh...sorry Katie...you planned to lay out in the sun today, didn't you? maybe tomorrow!) or to sit outside on the patio. I can begin to attack that list and see how far it takes me today! |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 6/27/03; 7:31:31 AM to the Journal Department
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Redecorating# |
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So, I redecorated my site last night and what an incentive that is to post more! I'm gearing up to be a guest editor starting July 1, 2003 over at eBN as a way to document the work of the technology institute from a "so what?" perspective. Starting July 1 will have me posting during the final week of preparations and then I'll follow right on through the institute. My students are getting ready to build their sites and I'm so eager to see their successes! It's an amazingly powerful feeling to finally stake a claim on the Internet. I cringe when I think of my early web pages...and ugly as they were, that feeling was just as powerful as when I learned to do more involved web pages. There's something about being empowered that propels us toward bigger and better things. This is what I'm eager to see in my students...what I saw yesterday in Melanie during computer lab time in the Summer Institute. She was feeling powerful...utterly liberated...with her new found blog space. Stop by and visit her and while you are there, check out her posting about "Manipulatives Paragraphs and Concrete Hamburgers". |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 6/26/03; 11:09:53 AM to the Journal Department
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Playing with Themes# |
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Given the amount of time I have spent in the past few days playing with manila themes (Bryan, you are my inspiration) you would think that I had nothing to do these days. In fact, I have tons to do but I'm finding my theme playground to be an excellent diversion for the procrastinator in me. I've got a new picture posted...click on the About link. |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 6/25/03; 8:56:39 PM to the Journal Department
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Information Bytes# |
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I'm overwhelmed with information bytes....a million little things that pop into my mind in a random and chaotic manner (and yes, I do know that chaos does have organization if one can be patient enough to find that organizational fractal). Details about my home life (where is that cable bill anyway?), about the writing project (wasn't I supposed to make another blog this weekend? for whom?), my class (how do students connect to an ftp program from the labs?), the tech institute (alright...way too many questions on this one to even present a representative sample). I don't do details well...never have, probably never will. I can say, however, that I'm one hundred times better at it than I used to be...but that still leaves much to be desired.
I love looking up words. I never think of a detail that needs extended treatment or attention...I only think of details as necessary annoyances. Yet, I know someone has to attend to them and this summer it seems to be me. My biggest worry, of course, is not with my own class or the writing project but with the technology institute. The success (or lack thereof) of this event will fall directly on my shoulders, as the liaison of the host institution (and, of course, the person handling the details). What if I forget something? What if I don't remember to call that other caterer for the picnic and we get to the park and have no dinner? What if I don't get the software list to Jody in time for programs to be downloaded on the lab machines? Good grief....my list just keeps getting longer. <sigh> |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 6/23/03; 11:21:42 AM to the Journal Department
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Cheerleaders# |
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Everyone needs a Terry Elliot in their corner. Every time I disappear and then reappear, Terry is right there cheering me on. Thanks buddy! I've been wondering why I get such satisfaction from making weblogs look "right" to me. One of the big selling points for weblogs is that they take the design element out of the hands of the editor and free the editor up to focus on content. For me, I simply cannot separate the two. If I don't like the design (if the colors aren't right, or the layout isn't right) then I don't like the content. It's a weird connection between what something says and what it looks like saying it and I'm not sure why that is so critical to me...I just know that it is...has always been critical. I can remember in school (and I'm talking definitely high school but probably earlier), recopying homework if I had any mistakes in it. I've always been a pen person (meaning that in addition to my pathological need to collect pens I always write with a pen), not a pencil person, so any mistakes at all would require recopying...and I can clearly remember recopying a recopied paper. I think there is some important feature of this quirk of mine (is quirk to gentle a term?) and how I learn...I just don't know exactly what that feature is yet. |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 6/20/03; 8:38:02 AM to the Journal Department
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CSS Fun# |
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Way back in February, several folks got together in Chicago with Bryan Bell and Erin Clerico and dug a little deeper into these things called blogs. I came home from Chicago all excited and eager and immediately got sucked into the responsibilities of the semester and didn't have time to play. Over the past couple of weeks, I've been playing again and starting to feel a lot more confident about tweaking css files to customize themes. Don't think I could make a theme itself, don't think I want to...but I love being able to change the colors and some of the layout. Now, I need to remember how to put an image in the banner (a non-repeating image to the right) and to get back to metadata experimentation (and try to find my notes from Chicago <sigh>). |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 6/19/03; 8:45:51 AM to the Journal Department
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Staying Alive# |
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I can't stand the pressure...the peer pressure, the family pressure. "Mom, you really need to be writing in your weblog," my daughter chastises. Lord, you know it's bad when the kid that you've given a journal to every year since she could write (and the kid who only wrote in the first 3-5 pages of each of those journals) begins to hassle you about writing (or in this case...about not writing). I just want to say, in my own defense, that I've been trying to work on not being so rigid and controlling and tense all the time. I've been trying to let go of some things and not let some other things bother me. Not being a slave to writing daily wasn't my original intent, but seems to be one of the results...but an unhealthy one, no doubt. It just seems like I cannot do everything I want to....if I workout regularly, something else suffers. If I do the something else regularly, the working out suffers, etc. It's all about choices so apparently I've been making a choice to not write over the past many weeks. Today, I'm choosing to write. |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 6/18/03; 8:53:06 AM to the Journal Department
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Filling the Vessel# |
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My daughter sometimes has the following on her Instant Messenger profile:
So, to my patient friends...those who have listened to me complain and whine and encouraged me, I thank you and treasure that piece of our friendship that lives on within my heart. For the better part of the semester, I've been bottled up in some ways. Working, thinking, working some more. I've even tried to do a little relaxing (and I think I'm getting better at this)! But lately, I've been feeling the itch in my fingers to type, to speak, to wonder, to express. In a sense, I'm beginning to feel free again - free from whatever was strangling me, choking off my voice, silencing my thoughts. I don't know what will come of this, but do know that the only cure for this itch is to write. Donald Murray writes about the importance of keeping a day book, a place where ideas and thoughts can be put to paper, taken out of your mind. In this way, when ideas and thoughts come and are taken out of the mind, there is room for more to come into the mind. What a vicious circle this has been: I cannot write because there is nothing to say and when I don't write there is nothing leaving my mind to make room for something else to enter my mind. I think this is a danger in teaching. Day after day teachers devote abundant amounts of energy to their teaching and their students. If the energy is not replaced, then the vessel just gets emptier and emptier. It seems then that I need to become disciplined not only about emptying my mind, but also about filling that mind back up with something which can be emptied the next day.
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Posted by Karen McComas on 4/9/03; 6:42:57 AM to the Journal Department
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Missing Again?# |
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I'm pointing to an earlier writing (click on the headline or here) as an explanation for why I'm not writing much here. In a way, I feel like I have absolutely no words within me right now and in another way I have way too many words within me. I'm choked by my own lack of and abundance of words. |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 3/25/03; 5:32:17 PM to the Journal Department
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eBN# |
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Over at eBN, Pat's procured a guest editor who is making daily posts that display in the Guest Editor panel on the right hand side of the page. As eBN wiggles and squirms to figure out what and who it is, it occurs to me that it may not even be possible to truly measure the impact of such a site...at least not possible to measure it accurately. I say this because my posting this morning is the text of my response to Terry's daily editorial posted at his own site. So, while eBN serves as the central location for Terry's comments, the impact of his comments spread outward, decentralizing the ideas he brings to life.
Here's my comment back to Terry that stemmed from this posting (click here).
Clearly, I've more thinking to do here, but the question is interesting and compelling to me...and may lead to some inspirational revelations! |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 3/7/03; 8:05:05 AM to the Journal Department
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Intent vs Impact# |
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I wouldn't be surprised to know that I've probably used this title before on a posting. That would only underscore the critical importance of the concepts with regard to my teaching. You see, if all is going well, intent should be the same as impact. That is, what I intend to happen in my classes would actually be happening. Fortunately, that happens a lot of the time. Unfortunately, it doesn't happen every time. I recently learned that one of my students made the following comment about me: "Her [me] goal is to make students feel stupid." Now, those of you who know me are probably astounded to hear that. I was astounded to hear that. That is not, never has been, nor will it ever be, my intent. But, if a student feels that way, there's a clear indicator that there is a huge gulf between my intent and my impact...at least for that particular student. I don't like hearing negative things said about myself. I don't really think anyone does. I'm human, I like people, and I want people to like me. I've often received criticisms from students and I expect that's only natural. Given a class of 24 or 33 it's unlikely that I'm going to be able to teach in a way that specifically meets the needs of each student. What is different about the comment referenced above is that it isn't about my teaching...it's about me. It would have been different if the comment was something like, "I don't like working in groups because I don't feel like I can show my best thinking that way." No, this comment is clearly about me as a person and I'm saddened that out there somewhere is one of my students who actually believes that I want to make students feel stupid. I've been racking my brain for the past 24 hours trying to think of what exactly I have done that might make a student feel that way. Obviously, I don't know or else I wouldn't ever do it again. Is it because someone didn't get full credit on a reading log? If so, that's probably because I think they can give more...it definitely is not to make them feel stupid. Is it because I called on someone when they were talking to a neighbor while I was explaining something? If so, I did that so that the student could ask me for clarification instead of trying to get whispered clarification from their neighbor, missing the next things I was saying. Here, to me, is the real crux of the problem. Without knowing and understanding what it is that I'm doing to make a student feel that way, it's going to be very difficult for me to repair...and I would like to repair. Life is tough enough for all of us that it doesn't make much sense for us to go around with unresolved issues. I'd love to resolve this one...we've got lots more time together, I suspect that a heartfelt conversation between us could resolve this and make our remaining time together far more productive for both of us. |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 3/6/03; 8:04:51 AM to the Journal Department
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Meandering through the Controversies# |
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A pertinent reminder to me for all of my teaching, not just the work I do with technology (although the technological work has resurfaced the notion that problem-centered learning situations often yield the best results). I began to think, as I was revisiting this idea, that the path I have taken with my graduate class was a natural for problem-centered learning. In this class, I've asked the students to complete reading logs for all of the reading assignments that focus on the academic controversies present within each unit of study. As I've gone back through the material with this in mind, I find that I must read and think differently in order to be aware of the academic controversies presented in the readings. In their logs, they are required to list all of the academic controversies present in the reading. Then they choose three of those to present two points of view connected to that particular controversy. Then, they choose one of those three to dig into deeper. These logs form the basis for a position paper they will ultimately write (we've already completed one with fabulous results). What has stood out to me though, beyond all the logistics of this work, is how interested my students are in the controversies that exist. How passionate they actually feel about some of these controversies was something I would not have predicted. How easily they make connections by bringing what they learn in other places to the discussions demonstrates the maturity of their thinking. As they work through their papers, they are doing so in order to solve a problem. Their problems are to figure out, based on evidence supporting different points of view, what their position is with regard to an academic controversy. Problem-centered. 'Nuff said. |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 3/5/03; 10:46:49 AM to the Journal Department
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Personal and Public Writing# |
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My posting is sporadic here and I keep chastising myself for this. I confess that my only excuse is that I'm obsessing on some personal and private issues and when I obsess, I obsess. These are not things I want to write about publicly so my emotional dumping has been into my paper journal, the one in my nightstand drawer, that has a much smaller audience and no critics (not even myself). What I'm learning from this is how difficult it is for me to let go of things, to trust God, and to live each moment as it comes to me. A thousand times a day I attempt to give my concerns and problems up and each time I hold on to a small thread, never fully giving it up. The weird thing is that what I'm holding on to is a worry about someone else close to me and that person is probably doing a much better job at giving up and letting go and living in the moment than I am. I'm so consumed by my worry that I'm finding it difficult to accomplish any meaningful task (and believe me, there are many meaningful tasks just waiting for my undivided attention). Yesterday I visited my daughter in her dormitory. She's a resident advisor and was on duty yesterday, therefore unable to leave the dorm. As she did her 8:00 pm duty walk, I spent time just looking at the away messages (on Instant Messenger) of the people on her buddy list. One said, "Time doesn't heal, love does." I'm wondering if that is true for worrying as well. I keep telling myself that time will make this worry obsolete, and that is true. I keep telling myself that I should focus on my meaningful work, that being involved and engrossed will make time pass faster and that the faster time passes the closer this situation is to resolution. But the essential problem is that even when this particular situation is resolved there will simply be another to replace it. The very weird thing is that similar situations (issues and problems that concern me somewhat) at the work place do not consume me. I'm much more able to work through those, to wait patiently. It's only when someone I love and care for is struggling that I find myself completely unable to move forward. It's clearly an issue of control and to go on acting as though I have some control in the situation (by continuing to worry) is simply insane. |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 3/2/03; 11:39:41 AM to the Journal Department
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Patience IS a Virtue# |
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Admittedly, I was a bit whiney yesterday. It's the weather that's getting me down so I'm just going to have to ignore it (however it is hard to ignore when every morning there's a promise of at least six more days of cold and some "wintry mix" falling from the sky). Yesterday, as I cruised around my daily reads I realized, again, that I am not capitalizing on weblogs in the way that I could, or should. Heard last night from a veteran TC (Marshall University Writing Project) who I introduced to weblogs in the Fall of 2001. I didn't know much about them then and my leadership was shaky, at best. We reconnected again last summer/fall (after the MUWP purchased a certain number of weblogs for teachers to experiment with) and he made more progress as a weblog user. This morning, in his email, he writes:
This I find to be very exciting and I'm going to encourage him to be documenting his work using weblogs and to submit a proposal for the NWP Annual Meeting to be held in San Fransisco next November. I should say that his journey in using weblogs is similar to mine. Several attempts (akin to dipping your toe in the water before taking the plunge) and then, in what seems like an all of a sudden move but really isn't, things begin clicking. In spite of this, however, the journey remains more of a dance: the cha-cha. Two steps forward, one step back...slow, but eventually you get where you are going. |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 2/26/03; 8:05:30 AM to the Journal Department
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Catching Up# |
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Spent the better part of last week trying to re-orient myself to my work here in the office after spending nine days out of a fourteen day period out of town and in different time zones. Amazingly, I'm moving forward yet still have a few projects that I'm purposely ignoring (and two are almost complete...why, oh why, don't I just finish them?) and I'm not certain I even understand why I'm ignoring them. What I do know is that I'm sick of winter. I'm sick of never seeing the sun and only seeing shades of gray (to black if it happens to be nighttime). I want some sunshine on my face and my shoulders that ache ever so slightly in the early mornings making me wish that I kept my shawl here at the office instead of at home. On a brighter note, my classes are moving along well. I've printed off several things I want to read and explore this week so I have a bit of a focus in an academic way outside of class preparation. |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 2/25/03; 8:16:14 AM to the Journal Department
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Four Great Days and One Day of Hell# |
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Just finished four great days in Chicago (Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday of last week). The first two included workshop training with Bryan Bell and Erin Clerico....I even tried to blog the meeting (silly me) but it's hard to blog an activity when you're a sponge. Saturday and Sunday consisted of the DTeam retreat where we did, in fact, retreat into writing, reading, and responding for a large part of the time we were together. It was a highly effective way to structure the DTeam's time together (despite Peter's concern that we were spending precious f2f time looking at computer screens...I even think he came around though). Oh, the day of hell? That was yesterday trying to get home. Got up at 5:00 am and left for Chicago O'Hare at 6:00 am. Flight left 30 minutes late but no matter because once I arrived in Charlotte I discovered my flight to Huntington had been cancelled. After much scheming and begging I got on a flight to Charleston. Left Charlotte approximately 4:10 pm with an hour flight to Charleston. As we approached Charleston we made three attempts to land (and on all three the pilot pulled up quickly at the last minute). We then flew to Columbus, OH to re-fuel (good thinking on someone's part) and to de-ice. Then, back to Charleston where we made another four attempts to land that were pulled out of. But, as you know, the fifth time's a charm and we finally landed at almost 8:00 pm. After hanging out for a bit I came to understand that my luggage had not accompanied me on my journey...and I still have no clue where my luggage is (and I can't get through to the 800 number they gave me because apparently half of yesterday's fliers are also trying to find their luggage). There's no place like home...even without your pj's. |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 2/18/03; 8:07:04 AM to the Journal Department
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Blogging Thursday# |
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Trying to blog a busy, exciting and confusing workshop. Click on the headline to keep current. |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 2/13/03; 12:14:12 PM to the Journal Department
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Chicago!# |
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In a few moments I'm heading down the hall for class. One hour and fifteen minutes after that I'll be heading to the bank and then the airport where I'll jet off to Chilly Chicago (via Pittsburgh, of course) for the next four days! If you're looking for me, I'm staying at the Hyatt at University Village. |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 2/12/03; 2:18:37 PM to the Journal Department
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eBN# |
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Note below the new Had a great time chatting with Pat in Berkeley last weekend (thanks for coming across the bridge to see me, Pat)! Looking forward to an exciting weekend in Chicago with Pat and Albert. |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 2/11/03; 8:15:08 AM to the Journal Department
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Travel# |
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I'm off to Berkeley bright and early tomorrow morning...returning late Sunday night! |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 2/5/03; 10:38:29 PM to the Journal Department
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Remembering# |
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A year ago yesterday my father died. I managed to keep that thought hidden almost all day. On the way home from work I voiced it to my son. This evening, he left me the most lovely card and I sit here crying over the kindness and love in that young man. A man of few words, and even fewer words of emotion, he wrote about my love for my work, my husband, and my children. Thank you, son. As I dry the tears from my eyes, I look at the computer screen and see that my daughter has pasted a quote to me in my instant messenger window. She does this often, and I usually get them when I get up in the morning. Tonight, however, I couldn't sleep and I got back up. Her quote said:
Thank you, daughter. I love you both ~~~ Mom |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 2/5/03; 12:18:07 AM to the Journal Department
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The Question of C# |
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Is it any coincidence that my themes over the last two weeks have been:
and that this week I'm going to California and the week after I'm going to Chicago? I think not. More on this later.
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Posted by Karen McComas on 2/2/03; 8:46:22 AM to the Journal Department
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Clarifying the Thinking# |
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Terry's response to my posting of Friday (click the headline for his response) pushes my own thinking a bit more. In hindsight my original post sounds a bit critical of what Terry said and that wasn't my intent. Instead, my historical fascination with chaos is what prompted me to dig into his thoughts about chaos. Given the directions of my thinking (and writing) lately, I felt it necessary to run a few laps through the space where chaos and change reside. I like how Terry clarified his thinking about how chaos feels counterintuitive to a person being asked to change (as opposed to chaos being counterintuitive to change). Change is frightening; chaos can also be frightening. It doesn't seem logical to approach one just to alleviate the other. But, we know that not all things that seem logical are; conversely, the illogical act is often the most logical act. The whole idea of how cultures do not change from within but require an outside force to the existing culture to tumble is fascinating in many, many ways to me. It explains to me why cultures (communities, too?) celebrate conformity (if not in words, most certainly in action). It explains why cultures (communities) spend much time and energy fortifying themselves against potential attacks from the outside, often at the expense of the needs of the community or community members. The motivation underneath these actions is fear. Which leads me to wonder what we're all so afraid of? What can possibly be worse than being told how to think, when to think, and what you believe? When will we realize that unless we take our lives into our own hands (that is think the way we want to, think about what we want to, and believe what feels right in our head and our heart) we have nothing but fear and what kind of life is that? |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 2/1/03; 9:10:30 PM to the Journal Department
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Surfacing Chaos# |
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Many thanks to Terry E for pointing me to the chaos comment I referenced yesterday.
Earlier this year I read a few articles dealing with controversies or conflicts (in the academic sense). One of them told how a group of elementary students, when presented with the problem of determining which would fall faster to the floor, a feather or a penny (or two objects like that), predicted that the penny (it being the heavier of the two objects) would hit the floor first. Having elicited their predictions the teacher proceeded to provide a demonstration and of course, the objects reached the floor at the same time because we all know (don't we?) that two objects will fall at exactly the same rate because the critical variable is gravity, not the density or mass of an object. Following up with the students after they witnessed this experiment, the teacher found that instead of revising their conceptions the students began to develop explanations for why the experiment was faulty. One point they raised suggested that the experiment was faulty because dropping the penny and the feather from the desktop to the floor didn't allow enough space (distance) for any difference to be detected. The upshot of this is exactly what Terry said, "Once invested the human mind is loathe to give up ground." And, this leads me to ask how people might be supported in giving up that ground and what that support might look like. This made me wonder about the rest of what Terry said, "I think that to allow chaos its due is counterintuitive and painful so let's be sympathetic to the old paradigms and ruthless at the same time." If it is that difficult for people to move from what they think they know to another version of that truth, it seems as though chaos, although painful at times, is not always counterintuitive. If people resist changing their understandings in the face of hard, physical evidence it seems to me that people are being sympathetic to the old paradigms. What I'm not certain about is if it is possible to be ruthless at the same time.
Terry is suggesting that we maintain an affinity or mutual dependency with the old paradigms. He's also suggesting that we have "no ruth" or, in other words, that we have no compassion for those same paradigms. It seems to me that chaos may be the only way to enable people to move from old paradigms to new paradigms. If that is true, then chaos is not counterintuitive at all.
To think of chaos as a space where we have "the confused unorganized state of primordial matter before the creation of distinct forms" is helpful in understanding how people's understandings of certain issues or concepts might change. Change requires us to create new forms. Change in thinking requires us to create new forms of thinking. Change in our understandings requires us to create new understandings. It is through chaos that change can occur. It is precisely because of this that chaos is intuitive, not counterintuitive. |
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Posted by Karen McComas on 1/31/03; 8:16:25 AM to the Journal Department
Discuss (1 response) |
Filling In# |
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